As much as I come off as this cold, heartless person let me assure you that it is totally a front. I'm probably one of the most sensitive people you will ever meet. Babies, birthdays, puppies, flowers, weddings, funerals, movies, commercials....instant waterworks. OH and boys...don't even get me started on the hours spent bemoaning boys. Which funny enough leads me to the story I wanted to tell you! So like I said boys make me cry and that, in my book, is just unacceptable behavior! So I just keep them at arms length to be safe... sometimes...kind of.... ok so not really but the point is, I might act like a man eater sometimes as a preemptive strike against said tear inducing men! I'm not vengeful, however. You might break my heart but I wont break your face or your precious truck, I'll just eat my feelings thank you very much and good day to you sir! Which is what makes my behavior in this next story that much more shocking.
So I was having a super awesome hair day, which, if you know me, is how all bad decisions start in my life. Anyways so I was having a good hair day and I went to a past past boyfriend's, current girlfriend's place of employment to buy something. I have never met this women in my whole life but I know who she is due to um.... facebook. ha.
ANYWAYS so I decided because I am an awesome cashier that I would use the self checkout which she just so happened to be supervising. I had absolutely no intention of speaking to her, let that be clear. I instantly felt loathing towards me just seeping through her veins. I couldn't figure out why at first because she seriously has no idea who I am and then I saw it.... the torn up chucks.
OH yes, ripped up chucks, indie band pins, ever just so messy enough hair that at the same time is perfectly styled and a "I-liked-it-first" general attitude, this, my friends, was a hipster elitist. This would be a good time to mention what I was sporting. Black turtleneck, cuffed designer jeans, matching shoes and purse and a floral silk scarf. Thats right folks, she didn't hate me because I dated her boyfriend or even because I was breaking her machines. She was treating me like a jerk solely based on the fact that because I dress a certain way I must therefor endorse killing the ozone, beating baby seals to death and in general harkening to the beck and call of the system, content to spend my days being held down by the man.... man!
As much as I now wanted to lunge for her throat, I held it in because I'm an adult. So I proceeded to carry on with my order and the stupid machine wouldn't take my card which necessitated her coming over and assisting me. Go figure. Comes over and she says "what did you do" "the machine won't take my card" "well what did you do" BECAUSE I HAVE OBVIOUSLY ENGINEERED THIS MALFUNCTION BECAUSE I WANT TO SPEND ALL DAY IN YOUR LOVING PRESENCE!
anyways and then she says "its ok most people arn't really smart enough to work these..."
at this point in the story you should all insert "Black Betty" by Ram Jam because thats what's going through my head at this very moment.
So I take my stuff and as I pass her to leave the following conversation occurs.
"Hey this is kind of random but arn't you dating (insert name)"
"Yes actually I am, do you know him?"
"oh yeah we go waaaaay back"
"oh really? thats cool."
"yeah ya know I was talking to him and you are a lot prettier then he made you out to be"
best part? Took her exactly 2 seconds to realize that wasn't a compliment.
