- When you were NOT in a terrible accident and your seat belt decides to become the safety harness of death for no apparent reason, but the moment something actually happens its all like loosy goosy "hey I'm a seat belt I didn't graduate college do you expect me to save your life? not today."
- When you're out on a date and they order water and now you're forced to order water because if you don't a) you'll look like a fat lard with your carbonated beverage and b) like you don't care that you're willy nilly spending his money on conveniences such as fountain drinks.
- When Mary Poppins is standing in front of you in the grocery store and decides to look for exact change in the very bottom of her carpet bag
- Mary Poppins is blind and couldn't tell that that was in fact a nickle not a quarter
- When the cord hooking up your ipod to your car isn't long enough to reach to the back seat.
- You hate your Christmas gift
- You hate your birthday gift
- You hate life...just kidding just wanted to go with the pattern
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
First World Problems
Everyone is so grateful for everything this time of year. Its disgusting. Seriously from Thanksgiving to New Years social media at large is bombarded with "what I'm grateful for" posts, Look-at-my-glorious-feast Instagrahms and #ifyouloveyourfamilyclapyourhands tweets. Bah Humbug! I'm a selfish person the rest of the year so by golly I will be for the last month and a half. In the tradition of non conformity that I cling to I will try and combat the nauseating sentiments that seem to permeate the air this season by giving you my list of things that I'm not grateful for. It will be written in the style of "First World Problems". Many of you have probably heard of this but for those of you haven't here is a brief explanation. "First World Problems" are those irritating things that make you want to kill yourself that the starving children in Africa probably wouldn't understand. So here are the things I'm not grateful for.... and loath.
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