JUST TELL ME WHAT TO THINK!

I have a very particular taste in movies.  To the chagrin of everyone who has to watch them with me.  Most of my friends now will not watch any movies that I want to because somehow I have gotten this reputation of having absolutely no idea what "good entertainment" is.  This topic was brought to mind by me, yet again, being rebuked for recommending what I thought was a fantastic movie.  The movie in question?  Rock of Ages.  The charge being that "its totally unbelievable and the plot to easily resolved".  SOOO I am going to try and justify this movie and by doing that, my movie tastes hahaha.

First off this movie starts with a beautiful rendition of "Sister Christian" sung by an entire bus full of people that morphs into a "Just Like Paradise" and then ends with Alec Baldwin with long hair and Russel Brant as his usual raggedy Jesus self singing "Nothing but a Good Time" in what could be argued as one of the GREATEST HAIR BAND MASH UP BEGINNINGS OF A MUSICAL EVER so right off the bat...eff your face haters.  i  could end the whole argument here. 

Anyways so apparently this person doesn't like this movie because its unbelievable which is actually one of the main criticisms I get for what I like all the time.  And this is what I have to say to that....DUH!  Your sitting in a velvety seat eating 10 dollar popcorn watching a giant screen that images of people are projected on...does any of that sound real to you? No? BECAUSE ITS NOT REAL!  I don't want to pay 7+ dollars for them to show me a documentary! I want there to be explosions, graphics, zombie apocalypse, or someone falling madly in love within the first 15 minutes or I want my money back!  If I wanted to watch something real I would go to the damn woods and watch a tree grow!  Secondly, this is a musical movie, the most unreal of all movies ever.  So your argument is invalid yet again.  Thirdly the movie is about a small town girl moving to LA and making it big, falling in love, and having her boob grabbed by Tom Cruise, because all of those things are totally realistic!  No one wants to go to the movie "Small-town-girl-moves-to-LA-works-minimum-wage-and-becomes-a-prostitute-to -pay-her-bills-gets-pregnant-with-movie-rental-place-owner-and-starts-wearing-a-muumuu".  I want just enough reality to suck me in and then in enough ridiculous to distract me from my life. 

Secondly "the plot was resolved to easily".  My argument for this one rests heavily on the first premise that movies are in fact not real.  Real life is hard, and messy, and gross, and nothing works out that easy.  So why in thee blue hell would I pay money to see it!  Eff that I can just stay home and fight with my divorced parents!  Or spend 10 minutes talking to my teenage sister about her drama!  My absolute favorite thing about movies is it gives me completely unfounded hope that everything in my life is going to magically work out in the end because if  Mr. Sparks penned it, then I can live it gosh dang it!  It makes me happy! I like walking out of a movie saying "Wow Sandra Bullok really inspired me to love others and help the needy" not "MAN! I'm so glad everyone died in that movie and it was rainy the whole time!"  seriously. 

anyways that's my thoughts today.  Go buy the soundtrack to Rock of Ages.  You need it.

Explosians are not comfortable

I was told I had big boobs today and it totally changed my life.  I'm not kidding.  I was standing at work today with three other girls.  The one girl was leaning over the hostess stand and as a joke the other girl was all like "put those away before I get jealous!"  (It was funny i swear not gross hahaha) I then looked at her and say "Yeah seriously! I wish I had half of your good luck"  they then proceeded to all stare at me with this half quizzical half comical looks on their faces and said "Emily...you have big boobs".  BOOM!  Holy mother of paradigm shifts.

And here's a little education for your craniums inter-webs people!  In the Martin-Webster dictionary a paradigm has three definitions which you may choose to look up with on your own for I have not the finger strength to type it all out.... nor the patients.  Anyways a paradigm is defined as "an outstandingly clear or typical example or archetype".  So therefor a paradigm shift is then a radical change in an underlying belief or theory.  I'm super smart, its whatever, you learn to live with it.

Genetically speaking I should have giant mounds of mammary glands.  We are curvy bunch, the Bell clan, what can I say.  When I was 10 I got my first training bra and I remained an A cup until I was in like....12th grade.  In stark contrast, however, my sister was a size D in 8th grade.  My mother! My Aunt! My grandmother! RACKS! Seriously! I had like negative amount of chestiness!  I owed back breast tax!  I matured past an A eventually but still I always have had small lady lumps because in comparison to everyone around me...they ARE tiny!

I looked these girls up and down and was like....oh my gosh....they have no boobs!  So compared to them I have tons of breasticles!  It suddenly began this huge thought avalanche through my whole brain! What other things in my life that I thought were beliefs were just misconceptions waiting to be shaken by the roots?!  Do I really look best in blue?  Is my favorite food really spaghetti?!  Maybe I should give yogurt a try even though I lie and tell everyone I hate it when in actually I just don't like the way it looks (its not a liquid its not a solid....its not going in my mouth).  Is the sky even blue?!

That's my life today.