Good morrow interwebs! It has been...an age! (sorry I've been like super into the hobbit the past week and everything I do now is tinged with Sir Ian Mckellon, a thousand apologies)
Anyways what uuuuuuup!!! Oh. My. Gosh. I haven't even started and this is slowly deteriorating. Lets just jump right into it, shall we?
This is my first blog in a million years so I decided "hey lets not think to hard and just say something funny". So here my dear non existent reader is a list of things that my parents did that permanently scared me as a child. What a great segway! and by great I mean there was none. You're welcome! ROLL CAMERA!
When I was 9 my dad shot a stray cat while it was having sex with our cat because he didn't want kittens and he felt the need to protect our cat from STDs and teenage pregnancy. True story.
When I was 5 my mom was really into making me believe in Santa Clause so on Christmas Eve she convinced my dad to climb the stairs to my attic bedroom and start ringing jingle bells. Guess what. She fell down the stairs. There is no Santa Clause.
When I was a senior my dad misinterpreted me saying that I was sad because I didn't have a date to prom as "hey dad please find me a date to prom." so he asked someone to ask me to senior prom. ps I hate this person with the strength of a thousand suns.
I got my period right before the 7th grade pool party and had never used a tampon before and my mom just so happened to be at work so my dad decided to demonstrate what a tampon is by taking one of my moms super extra ultra massive tampons and dropping it into a dixie cup full of water.
My mom told the guy I'm dating that I had constipation issues as a child. Thanks mom.
When I came home the night after my first kiss my dad said and I quote "Did he slip you the tongue". Excuse me while I go drink bleach.
All that aside I think my parents did a dang good job hahaha anyways sooooo yeah that's my life today.
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